What would make you spend lots of hours in a car, spend money despite being on a tight budget, endure the daytime temperatures of 94 and above, to go to a bar one night, and a dinner/dance on another to see 200 people, only a few of which you even know. The only common denominator among those folks is this. About 40 years ago, you walked down the same halls of a high school and inhaled their exhaled co2. You may have best friends and shared great times with some. Most however were names and faces but nothing that could be construed as a friendship. The cynic in me would say, why bother. I can see the few friends I have from those days when I want to without the social stress involved. I trust there are some cynical classmates that deprived themselves of an opportunity to create new friendships, that will possibly last the rest of their lives.
Let’s revisit the cynic who rationalizes that those that do go must have hidden agendas and ulterior motives. Those might include, seeing how everyone “turned out.” Who made money, who didn’t, who became a professional whatever, and who didn’t. Who gained weight, and who is still a hot? And consciously or unconsciously, most will think, “How do I compare?” Morbid thoughts but ask yourself if any of those thoughts crossed your mind. If these are the reasons that you went, I suspect, you discovered better benefits to your attendance.
Here’s my impression. Many have stayed the same…but only in some ways, but all have changed as well. Physically, the voices are the same but maybe the words have change, topics have changed some, vocabulary is specialized. The grins that spread across our faces then are much the same. A comparison of high school photos with current show the same impish grin of days gone by. I found the eyes more wise and kinder. After 40 years, we have all experienced deep joys and deep sorrow. That would include lovers come and gone, parents, children and even mates that died too young. For some of us, our own health provides daily challenges and disappointments. Many of us now have grand children, and to talk about them is shared joy, something only grandparents understand.
For many, old inhibitions and uncertainties that kept us silent and isolated back then no longer have power. Whatever mattered then just doesn’t matter now. False assumptions became clarified this weekend. You might have heard someone say “I thought you were one of the ???? kids” Only to be shocked to hear that one’s perception of self was quite different. Several shared my sentiment about high school. It was often a scary place, where I was unsure of myself, and uncertain where I fit in. I felt like a social misfit but I can’t explain why. From the outside looking in, it seemed I had everything going for me. I just didn’t know it. My shyness may have been misinterpreted as being stuck up.
Grades, looks, and academic achievements that seemed to be the end all back then, are of little interest to us now. We look at pictures of the houses we grew up in, which may have meant something then. Now, it is nostalgic at best. Time is the great equalizer. Where we are today is of far more importance than were we came from.
Back to the original question. Why go to a 40 year reunion. For me, the reasons are numerous. The best answer that might apply to us all has something to do with making a connection with ourselves long ago. In a sense, I came to say I’m no longer who I was then. I’m kinder and happier. My inhibitions no longer rule my behavior. And yes, I’ve put on a few pounds…but I’m working on it. In connecting with people with even the tiniest of common denominator, it is amazing to see where some have come from and where they are now. I am inspired by many of my classmates. It is no longer competitive. For me, I simply share in the joy and wonder of the human spirit, and am inspired by seeing what good people can overcome and accomplish. I admire all of our efforts, and share in the sadness of hardships or lossof so many of our classmates.
That small common denominator is just enough to renew acquaintances, and create new friendships that just might last the rest of our lives. In a sense, the reunion was not just for a weekend. The reunion is “to be continued.”
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