Luck is turning aroun

As you know, Hannah had a car wreck 9 days ago, and while she is feeling a lot better, the lack of a car has been an issue.  Fortunately for me, weather ahs been great all week, so I could ride my scooter to school, and just about everywhere else. I've just had to postpone hauling anything other than me and what fits in the storage box.
Last Friday, I had appointments  for late morning, and then one much later in the day about 5:00.  The 5:00 appt was for a '97 Ford Taurus with 130k miles with a very attractive sales price of $1800.  The late morning appt was for a '97 Chevy Malibu but it was for $2500.  I had the foresight to call the gentleman and cancel the late morning appt, explaining we wanted to look at a car that was more in line with out budget and didn't want to leave him wondering or waiting.  He appreciated it...actually he took note of the consideration I showed him.  We looked at and decided to buy the Taurus but there was an issue with the title needing to be sent back to Fl and was going to take awhile.  But it took a week of my phone calls and emails, not one of which was responded to by the owner of the Taurus.  I'm glad now we are NOT buying it.  So Thursday p.m, almost a full week after talking to the Malibu owner,  I call the owner of the Malibu, and no, he hadn't sold it yet but I could look at it on Friday after work.  I told him I was a shop teacher and could meet him after school.  Here is the irony.  Friday a.m., he is having breakfast with his daughter, and said he was going to show the car to me.  "You mean Mr. Tidyman?  Hannah's dad?" and went on to explain the whole details of Hannah's wreck, and life too maybe.  I taught his daughter in grade school, and her brother.  He showed the car to someone earlier in the day who offered him a good price, but he said he wanted to me to give me a chance to look at it first (returning the consideration)...and we are buying it on Saturday.  Not only does Hannah get a car, she also gets to bring her baby back home, safe and secure in the back seat of a mid size sedan.
It never hurts to spend a little extra time and effort to be considerate of those whom we do business with.  Sometimes, maybe even most of the time, what goes around, comes around.

Why garden at all?

It’s that time of year again

Do you feel it?  When you drive up to the house, and you see the place where last year you had so much satisfaction out of picking your own fresh veggies for a salad.  Maybe you had a big enough garden to do some canning.   Maybe you dread the thought of all the work that is entailed to harvest all the food that you do.  Hopefully, you feel good about this year’s garden plans.  If you don’t, then you might want to readjust your plans, or take a year off. 

I’m amazed that everyone doesn’t have at least a small garden, and even more amazed that those that can, don’t want to.  I guess having had a few gardens over the years has convinced me that the little bit of effort required to grow a garden is overshadowed by the benefits.  

The standard benefits you will find if you Google “benefits of gardening” include good healthy food, exercise, learning, social outlets, creativity, sales opportunities, and emotional and spiritual gratification.  I don’t know about all that but for me, the reasons are numerous.  First and foremost is economic.  Who doesn’t care about saving a buck?  That’s why I buy used vehicles and carry liability insurance.  That’s why I drive a scooter that despite going highway speeds, it still gets 63 miles per gallon.  It’s the “Show me the money”. 

I’m a teacher, and I try to explain to my students the cost benefit ratio of gardening.  Let’s use broccoli for example.  Initial investment is a couple of bucks for seeds, maybe $10 for a seed tray and soil.  You plant 48 seeds, grow 48 broccoli plants, eat a lot of it fresh broccoli and freeze the rest.  That’s like $100 worth of food for a $12 investment. 

Take this same example a step further.  How do you make a seed grow?  With a minimal amount of reading, or talking to others, or a few YouTube videos, you learn to keep the seeds and soil warm, and after germinating, add sunlight.  After getting to a good size, give them some time in the sun/wind/rain to “harden” them off, and then transplant.  Minimize weeding with lots of straw mulch.  Really, it is that easy.

Gardening for me is a low risk adventure.  It’s almost like a box of chocolates in that you never really know what you are going to get.  You can only control so many of the variables and the rest you give up to Mother Nature.  The unknown factor makes gardening fun.  You get to watch and wonder as things germinate, some sooner than others.  Crucial decisions must be made but you usually have time to read up on the topic or call a friend.  When is it safe to plant potatoes?  You will get lots of different answers, since all those solutions have been working for all those people probably for years. 

This brings me to another aspect of gardening.  It is hard to fail.  Seriously, if you follow a few simple rules Mother Nature will help you succeed.  If you even do a minimal number of things right, you will get something for your efforts.  Most of the time, you will get something to eat. 

Even in those rare cases where you planted something and it didn’t produce, you will have something that did.  In the process, your mind was totally engaged in a creative process, taking in with all of your senses the wonder of nature.  A seed, the size of a grain of salt or bigger, grew to be a plant sometimes several feet tall, produced flowers that smelled good to both you and the many different kinds of pollinators (bees, wasps, butterflies and possibly hummingbirds). 

Here is the best part though.  You pick it, you rinse it off, you slice it, and you eat it.  No concern for chemicals, e-coli, destruction of the environment, cruelty to farm laborers.  You started something months ago, invested time and energy, and maybe a few bucks, and with help from Mother Nature, your taste buds are screaming with joy.  But you aren’t done yet.  You take some of the extra harvest to a friend or neighbor, or even the local hunger coalition, and you have nourished your heart.  Now that is a deal.

Life is like a...

Life is like a…

Don’t you hate it when you hear sentimental people say “Life is like a garden” or “Life is like a river” or “Life is like a lawnmower.” Now that I’ve probably irritated you with one more “Life is like a…” here is why I’m saying that.

Like many others in the Watauga area this weekend, you may have some high hopes (to match your high lawn) of firing up the old lawnmower and cutting the grass.  If you did what you were supposed to last fall, then it will start on the first or second pull.  What???  You mean you have to do something in the fall to make this easy.  As in life, even in the autumn of our lives, if we take care of ourselves, it’s easier to get going the next day (or season). 

Congratulations to those that pressure washed the outside and underside of the mower, or at least scraped all the grass off with a wire brush to minimize rusting.  Two attaboys if you changed the oil (while it was still warm), and changed the spark plug.  And you win the golden ring if you filled it with fresh gas mixed with fuel stabilizer and ran it for ten minutes to let the fresh fuel get where it needed to for the next six months. 

And now for the other 99% and I’m not talking financial status.  If you go out to your mower, and it won’t start but it was running in the fall when you exercised a dereliction of your mower duties, it is more than likely bad gas, stale gas or I hate to say it, the gas is turning into varnish in the innermost recesses of the carburetor.  Think cholesterol.  There is one sure fire way to determine if fuel is not getting to the carburetor.  Take your handy dandy spark plug socket and a ratchet wrench; remove the spark plug and poor about a thimble or half ounce of fresh gas in the spark plug hole.  Put the plug back in, attach the wire, and PULL.  If it starts, runs for several seconds and dies, you have successfully trouble shot your mower. 

The only way to resolve this minor issue is clean out the carb with carburetor cleaner.  All you need is a socket set, carb cleaner and know how.  There are videos on YouTube that show you how.  I know…isn’t this just what you wanted to hear.  Or you can pay someone to do it.

If you are fed up with the mower, DON’T THROW IT AWAY.   It may have a second life in the hands of the right person (or student.) This is “Donate an organ” for mechanics.  I know a local teacher (ME) that teaches his students about this stuff and loves donated mowers.  But if you buy a new one, buy from someone that has on site service.  Avoid big box stores with no maintenance shop but claim they can service the warranty by shipping it off for a few months.  Buy quality. 

My advice if you buy new?  Read the manual.  Most important is add oil and gas.  But, if you get a chance and want to save yourself hours of frustration when buying a simple replacement part, write down the model number of the mower and if you can, the engine number too.  I’ve seen guys in Farmer’s Hardware with a part in their hand crying and begging for them to try to find a look alike replacement.  With their best bedside manner, they say “Sorry, we need the model number.”  I on the other hand not only have the model number.  I walk in with the manual and parts list that I’ve downloaded from the manufacturer’s website, thus saving them the time and trouble of looking it up.  That’s why they love me there. 

Just like in real life, if you treat your mower kindly, with regular maintenance, you can expect a long satisfying grass cutting career, not from cradle to grave but more like from the garage to the dump.I could go on forever on this topic but space is limited so I’ll stop.  Besides, you might need the time to clean a carburetor or go shopping. 

WWMD: What would Mom do?

 My mom passed away over 20 years ago.  I miss talking with her about the confusing state of politics.  For a simple woman, with only a high school education, she had a knack for simplifying the most complex issue.  For her, the bottom line was be kind and be fair.  During the turbulent 50’s and 60’s of civil rights, and the women’s movement following close behind, my mom always stressed tolerance and acceptance of others.  While it may have taken some getting used to initially, she enjoyed getting to know her children’s teenage boyfriends and girlfriends, regardless of race, religion or gender.    To her, they were all wonderful human beings.

What would she say about Amendment One, where on May 8^th, NC voters have the chance to vote on a referendum that potentially writes discrimination into the state constitution?   She would fall back on another gem.  “Err on the side of caution” she would say. In other words, don’t create problems unnecessarily.    Passage of this Amendment will certainly create many problems.

If Amendment 1 passes and brings with it the costly legal court battles over its constitutionality, the harm to businesses, and its people,  my mother would respond with another one of her gems “That’s an expensive way to learn a lesson.”

Let’s not learn the lesson the hard way.  Vote AGAINST AMENDMENT 1.

No good reason to vote for Amendment 1

2/12/2012

No good reason to vote for Amendment 1

Is there a good reason to vote FOR Amendment 1, which if passed will vote amend our state constitution to read, “provide that marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State.”  I have searched the internet for a clear explanation why we should vote FOR it.  I can’t find any.  I even asked Dan Soucek on his Facebook to send me a link so I could better understand his viewpoint.  I guess he couldn’t find one either.  Google only produces letters, articles and editorials that encourage me to vote “against”? 

I can only find two reasons to vote “for.”  One is absurd and the other is faulty.  Mecklenburg County Commissioner Bill James revealed the real purpose of making LGBT people unwelcome in the Tar Heel State and said "We don't want them here."  Doesn’t that kind of sentiment make a North Carolinian proud of our elected officials?  The only other reason to vote “for” is to preserve the sanctity of marriage.  But marriage between same sex couples is already illegal in NC.   And the state should not be in the business of determining what is sacred.  We can determine that ourselves with help from our churches.  Thank God there is still some semblance of separation of church and state. 

I can only speculate the glee many conservatives have with thinking they are pulling the wool over the eyes of the rest of us.  They proposed this, with the vote to be held during a republican primary, hoping liberals wouldn’t come out to vote.  Is this transparent enough? Their ulterior motive is to enable mob rule determine the rights of the minority, and deprive even straight couples of certain rights recognized in domestic and civil unions.   

The reasons for voting “against” are numerous.  Businesses will suffer in different ways. Non-married couples and their families will be deprived of rights currently available.  Tax dollars will be wasted in the courts battling over the constitutionality of the amendment.  There are many other reasons as well.  Just google it.

 Let’s support NC businesses, NC families, and adhere to the current state and federal constitution.  Vote against Amendment 1 on May 8.

Who is responsible for this?

I think a lot about what is really important because time is of the utmost.  There are only so many hours in the day.  There are only so many days to the week, weeks in a year, and years in a life.  So, well, let’s skip to the chase and go to right to the end. 

I mean, when trying to consider what is important, let’s look at something fun.  Death.  Dying.  The inevitable.  We are all going to bite the dust…buy the farm…kick the bucket.  In fact, if you are over 50, you might say you’ve got one foot in the grave. 

Isn’t this great?  Without the recognition that we are running out of time, we might not seriously consider what is important in life.

In fact, anticipating that final day might be a great way to identify what is important.  One way to do this is ask yourself this question.

How do you want to be remembered?  What do you want to people to say at your funeral other than “Gee, he looks better than he has in years?”  That girl could cook!  She was so kind.  He was so generous.  She had a zest for life.  He was such a hard worker.  Or if you are a product of the genteel south, you might hear something like “Bless his heart…” and you know a cleverly disguised insult is about to be catapulted.  Bless his heart, he just wasn’t right.  Bless her heart, she just….”

There is a new book out of the five most common regrets when people die.  I googled it and found this. Bonnie Ware  Here’s what they are.

1.   I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2.   I wish I didn't work so hard.

3.   I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4.   I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5.   I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    How does it happen that people have those regrets?  I’m here to tell you in two words.  Stinking thinking.  Oh sure, some people with better vocabularies would call it a faulty paradigm but bottom line, but it’s a lot more fun to say stinking thinking.  They didn’t get a good paradigm in time.

We all have a paradigm, many in fact.  A paradigm is a belief system.  It allows us to have expectations about what the world will give us.  If I do this, then this will happen.   I want a bumper sticker for my car that says “How’s my driving paradigm?”  I prefer to slow down when I see a yellow light unless it is too late.  Some people prefer to speed up.  I think a red light means stop.  Some say slow down and then roll through it. 

We have cute little idioms to remind us of our paradigms.  Finish this for me.

·      What goes up, must ___________

·      You reap what you _________________

·      If at first you don’t succeed, __________________

·      Give a man a fish and you feed him ___________

·      Teach a man to fish and  _____________________

·      Fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice then _________

Every organization has a paradigm, the government, the corporations, Occupy Wall Street.  Martin Luther King and Mohandas Ghandi had revolutionary paradigms.  Let’s save those for another day but it might be something you want to give a presentation on. 

As children, we grow up with a paradigm about ourselves and a paradigm about religion.  With a little luck, you’ve examined both. Those paradigms if never questioned often lead us to do things that seem illogical to others.  I think that paradigm is what leads us and others to act in both effective or very destructive and painful ways. 

Some peoples behavior and paradigms keep us wondering.  John Edwards?  Bernie Madoff?  Enron? Hitler? and then others inspire us.  Thoreau, Aristotle, Ghandi?  Jesus. 

What paradigm did you grow up with?  Before you could really think about it, your parents were helping you form a paradigm about you.  That you were precious, loved, special, competent, capable, a good learned.  Maybe you developed a belief about yourself that you were just an extra mouth to feed.  More trouble than you are worth.  Difficult.  Whiny. Smart.  Stupid.  Pretty or handsome.  Or Ugly.

Those beliefs about ourselves become so deep that they become us.  Not even conscious unless intentionally looked at.  I had the good fortune to bump into the right people and circumstances that helped me to look at my core paradigm about myself.

Being the baby of seven kids, back in the 50’s, with a father that tried to squelch his own feelings with alcohol, and a mother that did what she could to protect us, I started off with a paradigm like this.  I’m not smart, not important, not very athletic, NOT clever or even much fun.  Six older siblings all struggling to survive their own emotional confusion helped me reach the conclusion that life sucked, and there wasn’t much I could do about it.  In high school, being shy, withdrawn, unassertive, quiet, not very likable or attractive, and scared of challenges was just who I was and there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about. Later I learned I assumed the predictable role, or the paradigm of the lost child as a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family.

My religious paradigm was Catholic and all of its wacky doodle ideas.

Let’s look at our religious training.  Most of us were probably brought up to believe in a superior being.  He was like a father to us, always watching us, and capable of bestowing rewards upon us.  Like Santa Claus.

Most religions don’t want you to explore different ideas about the world, or other religions.  One of the coolest things about UU religious education is the encouragement to explore other religions, to question and explore ideas.   When I was in high school, I started to explore the how and why of Catholic beliefs.  It didn’t take long for Brother Isaac to default to an answered shared by so many other preachers and ministers. 

So Brother Isaac, how does this Virgin Mary thing work?  His response? "FAITH"

Okay, and how about that little white wafer becoming the body and blood of Christ? "FAITH"

And how about that mortal and venial sin thing, that sends light duty sinners to purgatory, and unbaptized babies to a place called Limbo? "FAITH"

I think I became a Unitarian that day when I started my own search for truth.

How many of you have examined the faith you grew up with and finally came up something you are comfortable with.  I’d be willing to bet that you read a lot, talked to lots of people, listened to others, maybe even watched movies, listened to CDs and thought deeply.  Changing my inner core beliefs about myself required the same skills.

It became apparent to me that my childhood core beliefs were not working for me too.  Over the years, I’ve found a number of alternative paradigms that now seem to fit me. 

As a young adult, I accepted the basic principles best summed up by Ben Franklin in Poor Richard’s Almanac.  This to me is a no brainer when you consider the alternative to each.  But some people still do. 

·      Diligence ·      Honest ·      Integrity ·      Fairness ·      Generosity ·      Kindness ·      Thrift ·       Friendship ·       Hard work

·      Carelessness ·      Dishonesty ·      Deceitfulness ·      Favoritism ·      Greed ·      Mean spirited ·      Wastefulness ·      Meanness ·      Laziness

That’s pretty general but I needed something a little more specific, almost like a formula, or a how to list.

I borrowed that formula from people like Brian Tracy and Steven Covey.  Does anyone in here want to be a peak performing person?    I have a list of Brian Tracy’s “Beliefs of Peak Performing Men and Women” posted in my classroom and talk with students about these ideas as part of the Career Exploration class. 

·      Winners are not born.  They are made. ·      The dominant force in your existence is the way you think. ·      You can create your own reality. ·       There is some benefit to be had from every adversity ·       Each one of your beliefs is a choice. ·      You are never defeated until you accept defeat as a reality and stop trying. ·      The only real limitations on what you can accomplish are those that you impose on yourself. ·      You already possess the ability to excel in at least one key area of your life. ·      There can be no great success without great commitment. ·      You need the support and cooperation of other people to achieve any worthwhile goal.

Almost every one of these includes the assumption the basic concept of personal responsibility.  In almost any circumstance I can refer to one of these to encourage myself to carry on. 

I think the three most important ones are

·      The dominant force in your existence is the way you think.
·      You can create your own reality
·      Each one of your beliefs is a choice.

Too many people want to complain about things around them that is causing the hardships in their lives.  I teach middle school.  I hear it every day.  Kids complain almost as much as the teachers do.  And don’t even get me started on the parents.

I try not to complain too much.  In fact, if you hear me complaining, slap me.  Remind me of reality.  Cognitive Reality therapy, and many other ways of thinking say "Everything is exactly as it should be."

Everything that happens, everything that is said, or everything that is done. Is exactly as it should be for us to learn.  I’ll add to that, everything happens for a reason.  Simply from the law of physics, everything happens as a result of some event.  All the results that are going on in my life are happening for a reason.  One can get spiritual about this, and consider Karma, and reincarnation.  I do.

This takes me back to the personal responsibility part of it all.  If I don’t like the results I’m getting, it’s my job to change the inputs.  If I don’t like my reality, it is up to me to change it.  If I don’t like the interactions I have with people, it’s up to me to change it.  If I don’t like the way I look, I can lose weight, and get a haircut.  If I don’t like my job, I can get some new training, and start looking for a new one. And if I can’t change my circumstances, I can change my attitude.   If I want change, then it is up to me.

If we are the results of our thinking and our beliefs, then how do we change our Beliefs?  If you suffer from stinking thinking, you can change it.   How do you change your beliefs about yourself? 

To borrow a phrase from the computer software engineers, Garbage in, garbage out.  What we watch, what we listen to, what we read, goes in. Our thoughts are products of the input.  Our beliefs are a product of inputs with a little thought process thrown in.  Our decisions create our actions are all connected.  It all stems from the inputs. 

If you want better actions, make better decisions.  If you want better decisions, have better thoughts and ideas.  If you want better thoughts and ideas, change the input. 
There is no shortage of positive inputs out there for us these days.  Books are free from the library.  Anyone with a computer and internet access can access the greatest thinking, ideas, videos and music ever available from one source. 

What are you reading these days?  What movies do you watch?  What music do you listen to?  While we are on the topic of inputs, what do you eat?  What input do you get from your associations and friends?  Given time and awareness, we could ask ourselves does this input make me a better person or not.  Does it build me up or drag me down?  Being a Unitarian fellowship, I’m not going to tell you what inputs you need.  That is up to you.  After all, that is the UU way.
How do we deal with others who have paradigms so destructive?  Many are still stuck in the same rigid stinking thinking they were raised with, or some other form of stinking thinking that they acquired along the way, and for better or worse, we have to deal with them.  We have politicians that seem to favor the rich and neglect the poor. We have some (but not all) corporations that rape, rob and pillage a culture in an environment and its people in the name of profit.

They all operate based on their paradigm.  As with ourselves, the only way to change one of those is with different input, different information that contradicts stinking thinking.   James Wolfensohn But when someone is on a winning horse, and everything looks wonderful, it's very hard as an outsider to persuade them something is wrong. “
 
Of course, better ideas can and do take hold eventually. 

I have no good solutions but to refer back to the concept of personal responsibility. Steven Covey says that one must first seek out our own private victory, which will help us achieve any public victories.

And a little reminder from another group that emphasizes personal responsibility, Ala-non. Now, I don’t consider myself a traditional Christian.  But I sure thank god for the Serenity Prayer by the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. The prayer has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs.

The best-known form is:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

First thing you need is serenity also known as Peace of mind, which according to Brian Tracy is the first thing you need to be happy.

I’d like to summarize this little chat we’ve had.

It’s simple.  You might wish that I started and ended with this.

Brian Tracy summarizes all we need to be happiness. 

1.   Peace of Mind

1.   Health and Energy

2.   Loving Relationships

3.   Financial Freedom

4.   Worthy Goals and Ideals

5.   Personal Fulfillment

Just how do I do that?

Steven Covey helps with tools that can help acquire those things starting with taking the bull by the horns and accepting responsibility for the inputs.  Involve yourself, align yourself, and immerse yourself in truthful personally edifying activities and inspiring quotations.

Seven Habits of Highly Successful People

1.    (Be responsible for yourself)

2.    (Know what you want and set goals)

3.   . (Prioritize your actions)

4.    (Cooperate with one another)

5.   . (Communicate effectively)

6.    (Seek Interdependence)

7.    (Learn to chill)

And when the going gets tough, refer to the beliefs of peak performing men and women.

1.   Winners are not born.  They are made.

2.   The dominant force in your existence is the way you think.

3.   You can create your own reality.

4.   There is some benefit to be had from every adversity

5.   Each one of your beliefs is a choice.

6.   You are never defeated until you accept defeat as a reality and stop trying.

7.   The only real limitations on what you can accomplish are those that you impose on yourself.

8.   You already possess the ability to excel in at least one key area of your life.

9.   There can be no great success without great commitment.

10.                 You need the support and cooperation of other people to achieve any worthwhile goal.